Well my dear Messiuers and Mesdammes the title did get your attention na, well i regret to inform y'all that this journey is only to the ends of Kerala (not the end of the world).This has nothing to do with the trip to the jungles of bang which will come soon enough so watch this space..
Well i set out with my ridiculously tall pal Rashid and quite a few other guys on my first trip to Malabar. Many (i was sure jealousy played a part in their decisions) er .. well meaning pals and gals tried to dissuade me but my mind was made up and i set forth with many expectations..
I always knew my fanatic devotion (others call it addiction) to Payasam would get me into trouble sooner or later but i hadn't expected it so soon..
Know my good friend did warn me the trip would take a long tome and we would reach home only by midnight so i took suitable precautions ( in the form of half a dozen selected novels).. little knowing what awaited me..
When we reached the railway station and the other guys told me all the people on the platform were waiting to board the same train i panicked (I already had reservations about travelling for the first time in the general compartment). The rest of the guys reassured me it was no big deal when i asked them to book tickets in the sleeper section. Finally with great reservation i let them persuade me.
The train did arrive and we scrambled (that is the apt word believe you me) to get on board.My buddies had lemme get on board first me being the proverbial first timer and a with a few of the guys hanging on for dear life to the door handles the train trundled of. I and a few of the guys who were er.. lucky enough to get into the compartment stood practically jammed ( i swear to God (just a figure of speech i aint much of a believer) we couldn't move a muscle.
Then in the midst of this solid mass of humanity he erupted.. A short fat man flew through the space(through which i could have sworn nothing more than a feather could get through) scattering people hither thither. He was virtually unstoppable our Bombay guy on his way to the toilet.
I learnt a valuable lesson "Nature is very powerful.. When nature calls ya better go.. nobody nothing can ever stop you "
After an eternity of travelling in veritable hell (it was actually about an hour and a half but it sure as hell seemed a lot longer)
we reached Trichur station and a tide swept out and before the next mad tide of humanity swept in i adroitly squirmed into a seat. Then takin pity on my serously tall pal i let him sit and sat myself on his lap.. The rest of the trip i steadfastly ignored everything else and read THE ALCHEMIST and half of THE PET SEMATARY believe you me it wasnt as frightening as the train trip..
My buddy's in a hurry so keep watching this space for the sequel to the ADVENTURES IN THE JUNGLES OF BANG
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
The Dwarf with the Staff
To my loyal fans i have only this to say "remember the name of my blog"
Well our two lords did set out slow and steady with a firm view of staking out the land but very soon an interesting conversation combined with an apalling sense of direction found our great crusaders totally and flabbergastingly lost.. Undaunted the two of them said lets go "Right.." said Philip and "Left.." said Sloth.
They decided to toss..But the decision was made for them by a higher authority.. Thats right a trumpeting troll came hurtling through the left and our wise lords who were firm beleivers of the saying discretion is the better part of valour fled to the right..
Now our heroes were none too used to physical exertion.. (They usually relied on their not inconsiderable er.. wits to deal with (squirm out of) any given situation..) ..Both of them collapsed panting after a few minutes of running full tilt..Then we turned the pages of our copies of the Hitchhiker's and this was the entry :
"When faced with a being more than twice your size run..If in the jungles of Bang WATCH OUT for the Dwarf With The Staff"
While Lord sloth was perplexedly pondering over the meaning of this weird passage (the hitchhikers is not easily comprehensible to mere mortals..even experts like sloth took a while to grasp the full meaning), lord Philip proving himself a true leader of men spoke thus
"I smell food a few furlongs to the north.."
(Note to the reader :Lord Philip has the uncanny ability to sniff food a mile away and despite his total lack of any sense of direction he can usually lead you to the source of the smell)
The valiant lords thus set forth guided by Philip's nose.. They came upon a clearing which was crowded with many stalls offering all kinds of goods (and no one to man them)..Naturally our heroes first sated their hunger and thirst.. Then they went about leisurely picking out
such glorious items such as an invisibility cloak generator, guide to survival in bang etc when a fierce thumping noise caused them to turn back in alarm.. They could see nothing but suddenly a voice roared below them "How dare you trespass on my land, eat my food and steal my treasures?"
Lord Philip being the fast one was quick to put two and two together and exclaimed "Why ,you are the dwarf with the staff !!". The creature roared "You have defiled my land and you are bloody well going to pay for it." This was a boon for our lord Sloth was an expert at negotioations.. The bargaining process began.. The dwarf ranted and raved punctuating his more hysterical outbursts by thumping his staff violently on the ground..But all to no avail.. Lord Sloth being a pastmaster at this art soon convinced him to part with the invisibility cloak generator and everything else they took for a paltry sum..
Beaming at their success our crusaders went forth and as was their wont they promptly lost their way. While deliberating which way to go our heroes suddenly realised they had nothing in their hands..All that they had acquired had disappeared without a trace!! They quickly riffled thru the pages of the ever changing hitchhikers to find the followin entry
"NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM A DWARF WITH A STAFF.. HE WILL ROB YOU BLIND AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH LATER"
Even now after so many years our heroes still recall the dwarf with a staff with respect (the only crook to have so totally hoodwinked them)..
The dwarf suddenly materialised laughed uproariously at our woeful expressions and handed us a map of bang..Then he slowly dissapeared bit by bit and the last they saw of him was his grinning teeth(reminds you of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland eh.. i always was a fan of Lewis Carrol)
Now the sounds of the dwarf's laughter filling their ears they returned pockets emptier, wiser and none the worse for their experience and as was their wont collapsed into a dreamless daze...
(BOOK TWO OF THIS SERIES REFERS TO THEIR ADVENTURES OF THE NEXT DAY.. MY FANS WILL HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME WHILE I RECOLLECT WHAT HAPPENED.. LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.. IN THE MEANTIME WATCH THIS SPACE)
Well our two lords did set out slow and steady with a firm view of staking out the land but very soon an interesting conversation combined with an apalling sense of direction found our great crusaders totally and flabbergastingly lost.. Undaunted the two of them said lets go "Right.." said Philip and "Left.." said Sloth.
They decided to toss..But the decision was made for them by a higher authority.. Thats right a trumpeting troll came hurtling through the left and our wise lords who were firm beleivers of the saying discretion is the better part of valour fled to the right..
Now our heroes were none too used to physical exertion.. (They usually relied on their not inconsiderable er.. wits to deal with (squirm out of) any given situation..) ..Both of them collapsed panting after a few minutes of running full tilt..Then we turned the pages of our copies of the Hitchhiker's and this was the entry :
"When faced with a being more than twice your size run..If in the jungles of Bang WATCH OUT for the Dwarf With The Staff"
While Lord sloth was perplexedly pondering over the meaning of this weird passage (the hitchhikers is not easily comprehensible to mere mortals..even experts like sloth took a while to grasp the full meaning), lord Philip proving himself a true leader of men spoke thus
"I smell food a few furlongs to the north.."
(Note to the reader :Lord Philip has the uncanny ability to sniff food a mile away and despite his total lack of any sense of direction he can usually lead you to the source of the smell)
The valiant lords thus set forth guided by Philip's nose.. They came upon a clearing which was crowded with many stalls offering all kinds of goods (and no one to man them)..Naturally our heroes first sated their hunger and thirst.. Then they went about leisurely picking out
such glorious items such as an invisibility cloak generator, guide to survival in bang etc when a fierce thumping noise caused them to turn back in alarm.. They could see nothing but suddenly a voice roared below them "How dare you trespass on my land, eat my food and steal my treasures?"
Lord Philip being the fast one was quick to put two and two together and exclaimed "Why ,you are the dwarf with the staff !!". The creature roared "You have defiled my land and you are bloody well going to pay for it." This was a boon for our lord Sloth was an expert at negotioations.. The bargaining process began.. The dwarf ranted and raved punctuating his more hysterical outbursts by thumping his staff violently on the ground..But all to no avail.. Lord Sloth being a pastmaster at this art soon convinced him to part with the invisibility cloak generator and everything else they took for a paltry sum..
Beaming at their success our crusaders went forth and as was their wont they promptly lost their way. While deliberating which way to go our heroes suddenly realised they had nothing in their hands..All that they had acquired had disappeared without a trace!! They quickly riffled thru the pages of the ever changing hitchhikers to find the followin entry
"NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM A DWARF WITH A STAFF.. HE WILL ROB YOU BLIND AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH LATER"
Even now after so many years our heroes still recall the dwarf with a staff with respect (the only crook to have so totally hoodwinked them)..
The dwarf suddenly materialised laughed uproariously at our woeful expressions and handed us a map of bang..Then he slowly dissapeared bit by bit and the last they saw of him was his grinning teeth(reminds you of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland eh.. i always was a fan of Lewis Carrol)
Now the sounds of the dwarf's laughter filling their ears they returned pockets emptier, wiser and none the worse for their experience and as was their wont collapsed into a dreamless daze...
(BOOK TWO OF THIS SERIES REFERS TO THEIR ADVENTURES OF THE NEXT DAY.. MY FANS WILL HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME WHILE I RECOLLECT WHAT HAPPENED.. LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.. IN THE MEANTIME WATCH THIS SPACE)
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
The Saga Continues
(note: Any misspelled or non-existent word is to be attributed to poetic license)
Now where were we? OK here goes nothing..
Well as was to be expected with Lord PG refusing to open his eyes till they landed somewhere (anywhere) it seemed the two of them would never find the castle Mindtree.. Then suddenly Lady lUCK took pity on them.. Instead of them finding the castle the castle found them..Our two worthy crusaders landed (umm not too gently) into the castle moat..
Filthy and bedraggled our heroes still managed to look heroic..Armed with their hitchhikers and that most dreaded of weapons yes indeed a state of the art laptop they boldly knocked on the castle doors..
The door suddenly became a giant screen and a most fearsome face looked out upon them and an automated voice roared "State the purpose of your visit."And Lord PG who had recovered somewhat from his traumatic experience growled "We have an appointment with the HR and ya better open this door if you know whats good for you".. Fortunately for him nobody called his bluff.. The door slid open and our heroes entered...
The castle interior was a nightmare -- what with myriad twisting corridors and doors that opened and closed on their own volition.. But our heroes stuck to their guns..After a while Lord BM bellowed "ENOUGH..i am sick of this castle..What psycho of an interior designer that made this mad house.." When suddenly a benevolent voice spoke up all around them "MY SONS the paths of wisdom are seldom easy to come by.. Follow the butterfly"
And lo ! There appeared before their startled gazes a robot butterfly and follow it they did..Very soon they came to a palatial room in the center of which sat a ditinguished person with his head in his hands.. As soon as he spoke Lord PG excaimed "Hey i thought i recognised your accent..Aren't you a native of Mace." The HR permitted himself a wry smile and said " I am bound by contract to castle Mindtree.. But i will help you all i can provided you ask me the right questions"..Then followed the most confused and jambled Q&A SESSION known to man..
At the end of a long long session of continuous talking and screaming (Lord BM remember..) they finally staggered out sore throat, sore ears and all..The HR in his eagerness to get rid of them beamed them glider and all to the coordinates provided by lord BM (and for a change they did land up near the base)..
But wait.. I hear some angry muttering ? Everyone wanst to know about the adventures of yours truly and lord philip..but thats another story..
keep your breaths baited ( or whatever the expression is)
To Be Continued
Now where were we? OK here goes nothing..
Well as was to be expected with Lord PG refusing to open his eyes till they landed somewhere (anywhere) it seemed the two of them would never find the castle Mindtree.. Then suddenly Lady lUCK took pity on them.. Instead of them finding the castle the castle found them..Our two worthy crusaders landed (umm not too gently) into the castle moat..
Filthy and bedraggled our heroes still managed to look heroic..Armed with their hitchhikers and that most dreaded of weapons yes indeed a state of the art laptop they boldly knocked on the castle doors..
The door suddenly became a giant screen and a most fearsome face looked out upon them and an automated voice roared "State the purpose of your visit."And Lord PG who had recovered somewhat from his traumatic experience growled "We have an appointment with the HR and ya better open this door if you know whats good for you".. Fortunately for him nobody called his bluff.. The door slid open and our heroes entered...
The castle interior was a nightmare -- what with myriad twisting corridors and doors that opened and closed on their own volition.. But our heroes stuck to their guns..After a while Lord BM bellowed "ENOUGH..i am sick of this castle..What psycho of an interior designer that made this mad house.." When suddenly a benevolent voice spoke up all around them "MY SONS the paths of wisdom are seldom easy to come by.. Follow the butterfly"
And lo ! There appeared before their startled gazes a robot butterfly and follow it they did..Very soon they came to a palatial room in the center of which sat a ditinguished person with his head in his hands.. As soon as he spoke Lord PG excaimed "Hey i thought i recognised your accent..Aren't you a native of Mace." The HR permitted himself a wry smile and said " I am bound by contract to castle Mindtree.. But i will help you all i can provided you ask me the right questions"..Then followed the most confused and jambled Q&A SESSION known to man..
At the end of a long long session of continuous talking and screaming (Lord BM remember..) they finally staggered out sore throat, sore ears and all..The HR in his eagerness to get rid of them beamed them glider and all to the coordinates provided by lord BM (and for a change they did land up near the base)..
But wait.. I hear some angry muttering ? Everyone wanst to know about the adventures of yours truly and lord philip..but thats another story..
keep your breaths baited ( or whatever the expression is)
To Be Continued
Monday, March 14, 2005
The lords of the mace
MACE is in peril..Jai the spirit of the magic tnp cell sent forth four mighty warriors .. Armed with their Hitchhikers guide to mace the four of them set out.. Believe you me they had no idea what was in store for them..
Before we go any further lemme introduce the four of them..
Our fearless leader of course was LORD PHILIP..of whom it is often said "He knows no pain, he knows no fear, he knows no hardship, he knows no tiredness.. In fact he knows nothing at all. But he was the only one among us who could wield our greatest weapon "THE LAPTOP"..
Then there was LORD PG (what they stand for is still a mystery) whose unerring sense of direction led us a fine dance through the jungles of bang(but wait im getting ahead of myself)..Of course another thing about our PG is that he was our ladies man..all the scantily clad beauties of the jungle kept flocking to him(but wait again im getting ahead of myself)..
Our LORD BIGMOUTH (BM) needs no introduction.. He is already world renowned..He is rumoured to know every successful person in the world and is said to have umpteen resources at his disposal
(at least thats what he says)..
Last but definitely not the least was i LORD SLOTH.. i guess my name speaks for itself.. i suffer from allergy to any and every kind
of work..my favourite quote " Dont put off tomorrow what you can put off today."
Now that you have met the heroes in the story and are waiting with baited breath let us start..
BOOK 1 : THE JOURNEY TO THE WILDERNESS OF BANG
Lord Philip went home to settle his affairs before setting out on this most perilsome of journeys..So the three other warriors set forth..After great and eloquent negotiations they managed to convince a rogue to take them where few people dare venture to- thats right "The dreaded jungles of Bang"..It is said no man(or woman) has returned from there.. Well the rogue belonged to that dreaded race of filthy slave drivers.. yes he was a PANDI..His tirades drew everyone crazy..
Finally more dead than alive our heroes were unceremoniously dumped in the outskirts of the jungle (for not even a PANDI dares to venture into the jungle)..Then our heroes made their first mistake..Lord PG confidently said he could find the way to the safe house arranged (needless to say) by lord BM..Then after braving many dangers (and a lot of travelling in circles) our heroes finally reached the safe house and collapsed into the arms of Morpheus..
Lord PG was jolted into wakefulness by the shrill beeping of the emergency beacons which each of them had attached to their wrists..Lord Philip was in trouble..Lord PG and BIGMOUTH after several unsuccesful attempts to wake lord Sloth rushed to the rescue on their rickety glider (so much for the excellent transport they were promised)..After a hair raising wild ride (for LORD BM drives like a maniac) they finally came upon Lord Philip who was glumly contemplating the myriad twists and turns and was totally and completely lost..Sir PG flatly refused to risk another ride with Lord BM..They left him to his own devices and made their way back.. By noon they had all assembled (thats right even Lord Sloth who sacrificed even his nap for the cause) and attempted to chart out a plan of action..
After many deliberations it was decided that Lords PG and BM (it took a lot of convincing to get PG to agree) would go to the CASTLE MINDTREE and seek the wisdom of the Head Raja(HR) there and the other two Lords were to stake out the territory...They set out with Lord PG CLINGING on to his seat for dear life and Lord BG with a manic grin on his face..The other two lords set out on foot at a stately pace(what did you expect with Lord Sloth being one of them?)..
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT ?
Well we will find out tommorrow wont we..
TO BE CONTINUED
Before we go any further lemme introduce the four of them..
Our fearless leader of course was LORD PHILIP..of whom it is often said "He knows no pain, he knows no fear, he knows no hardship, he knows no tiredness.. In fact he knows nothing at all. But he was the only one among us who could wield our greatest weapon "THE LAPTOP"..
Then there was LORD PG (what they stand for is still a mystery) whose unerring sense of direction led us a fine dance through the jungles of bang(but wait im getting ahead of myself)..Of course another thing about our PG is that he was our ladies man..all the scantily clad beauties of the jungle kept flocking to him(but wait again im getting ahead of myself)..
Our LORD BIGMOUTH (BM) needs no introduction.. He is already world renowned..He is rumoured to know every successful person in the world and is said to have umpteen resources at his disposal
(at least thats what he says)..
Last but definitely not the least was i LORD SLOTH.. i guess my name speaks for itself.. i suffer from allergy to any and every kind
of work..my favourite quote " Dont put off tomorrow what you can put off today."
Now that you have met the heroes in the story and are waiting with baited breath let us start..
BOOK 1 : THE JOURNEY TO THE WILDERNESS OF BANG
Lord Philip went home to settle his affairs before setting out on this most perilsome of journeys..So the three other warriors set forth..After great and eloquent negotiations they managed to convince a rogue to take them where few people dare venture to- thats right "The dreaded jungles of Bang"..It is said no man(or woman) has returned from there.. Well the rogue belonged to that dreaded race of filthy slave drivers.. yes he was a PANDI..His tirades drew everyone crazy..
Finally more dead than alive our heroes were unceremoniously dumped in the outskirts of the jungle (for not even a PANDI dares to venture into the jungle)..Then our heroes made their first mistake..Lord PG confidently said he could find the way to the safe house arranged (needless to say) by lord BM..Then after braving many dangers (and a lot of travelling in circles) our heroes finally reached the safe house and collapsed into the arms of Morpheus..
Lord PG was jolted into wakefulness by the shrill beeping of the emergency beacons which each of them had attached to their wrists..Lord Philip was in trouble..Lord PG and BIGMOUTH after several unsuccesful attempts to wake lord Sloth rushed to the rescue on their rickety glider (so much for the excellent transport they were promised)..After a hair raising wild ride (for LORD BM drives like a maniac) they finally came upon Lord Philip who was glumly contemplating the myriad twists and turns and was totally and completely lost..Sir PG flatly refused to risk another ride with Lord BM..They left him to his own devices and made their way back.. By noon they had all assembled (thats right even Lord Sloth who sacrificed even his nap for the cause) and attempted to chart out a plan of action..
After many deliberations it was decided that Lords PG and BM (it took a lot of convincing to get PG to agree) would go to the CASTLE MINDTREE and seek the wisdom of the Head Raja(HR) there and the other two Lords were to stake out the territory...They set out with Lord PG CLINGING on to his seat for dear life and Lord BG with a manic grin on his face..The other two lords set out on foot at a stately pace(what did you expect with Lord Sloth being one of them?)..
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT ?
Well we will find out tommorrow wont we..
TO BE CONTINUED
Friday, March 04, 2005
well i did warn ya folks
welL folks I'LL begin witH a simple question
"WHAT DID LUCIFER SAY BEFORE HE FELL INTO THE PIT"
he said " I WOULD RATHER RULE IN HELL THAN SERVE IN HEAVEN"
My sentiments exactly.. Now to those of you religious zealots out there ( believe me they exist and one's gotta watch out fro them) i am not quoting Milton or the bible.. I kind of read it in a star trek book..lol.. but the jist of it is that that one line defines my outlook on life..
"WHAT DID LUCIFER SAY BEFORE HE FELL INTO THE PIT"
he said " I WOULD RATHER RULE IN HELL THAN SERVE IN HEAVEN"
My sentiments exactly.. Now to those of you religious zealots out there ( believe me they exist and one's gotta watch out fro them) i am not quoting Milton or the bible.. I kind of read it in a star trek book..lol.. but the jist of it is that that one line defines my outlook on life..
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